Pursuant to Subsection 4a of Section 9 and in accordance with the prophecy, I am endeavoring to be compliant with all regulations covered herein and will, therefore (therefive – whatever it takes), not be in to work – consequently and respectively (regardless of order or meaning).

[12:37] Warren: hello good sir
[12:38] Gonzord: He
[12:38] Gonzord: Usy
[12:38] Gonzord: doyug
[12:39] Gonzord: I may have just had sexual relations with a smallish rodentiod
[12:39] Gonzord: Until it’s unseemly demise
[12:39] Gonzord: Poor little rodentiod
[12:39] Warren: well, there are more where that came from
[12:40] Gonzord: Well… I think this might have been some kinda endangered species or something
[12:40] Warren: i am about to get some coffee and a smoke
[12:40] Gonzord: OK, at least this one was in danger
[12:40] Gonzord: OK
[12:40] Gonzord: Go do that
[12:40] Warren: LOL
[12:40] Warren: brb
[12:40] Gonzord: Don’t get stabbed by hobos
[12:45] Warren: it’s pretty safe on my balcony
[12:46] Warren: i would hope
[12:47] Gonzord: Yeah, but after a few months of your normal hunting, the hobos at large (in general) will have a deep fear / respect for you, “The Offal Stalker”
[12:48] Gonzord: However, some will be angered by this
[12:48] Gonzord: There is always some percentage of the population, even among hobos, who will fight back
[12:48] Warren: unfortunately
[12:50] Gonzord: Tales will be spread around the burn barrels late at night, a prophecy of some unknown hero who will come and slay the evil that lives up there… in “The Tower of Plenty”
[12:50] Warren: LOL
[12:50] Warren: more like the “Tower of Asbestos”
[12:51] Gonzord: Next thing you know, you’ve got young hobos trying to prove themselves to win the love of the hobo princess
[12:52] Gonzord: Or the hobos of hobos, you know, the hobos who have no talents and don’t fit into hobo scociety. Can’t get any hobo jobs. These people, the real scum of hobos, they have even less than nothing to lose
[12:52] Warren: i’ll save some pennies to toss their way as i am carried about on my litter.
[12:52] Gonzord: They’ll come out of the woodworks (or really just the alleys) and try all manner of different ways to kill “The Evil with No Name”
[12:54] Warren: they had better bring a hammer
[12:56] Gonzord: They stare at your opulence as you lounge on your “Balcony of Perversion and Greed” lackadaisically smoking your cigarette and sipping your hot (or iced) coffee
[12:56] Warren: maybe I could toss the occasional half-smoked flaming butt down to them
[12:57] Warren: and now i have to descend to the subbasement to finish my laundry
[12:57] Warren: brb
[12:57] Warren:
[12:57] Gonzord: Greed, envy, anger, hunger (no, like REALLY, hunger), jelousy, all these emotions and more course through their little dirty hobo minds just as the cheap rat poison mixed heroin courses through their veins
[12:57] Gonzord: OH. OK

From: John Doe
To: Jack B. Nimble
Subject: Error handling

In the new system, how are we handling the detection and notification of errors, particularly Gateway errors?

Thanks,

JD

From: Jack B. Nimble
To: John Doe
Subject: RE: Error handling

In a world so alien it boggles the imagination, there is war, strife, anger, pain, and… hope.

A small impish creature named “Hell Dorado” commands an army of disgruntled ex-Keebler Elves (layoffs due to the declining economy) who now ride the wild currents of the ether within our network. These poor, twisted creatures are forced to scour the information wasteland of our logs looking for errors (particularly for Gateway errors – as they find them to be of a savory and unique flavor) and report the presence of said errors to their terrible task-master lest he unleash his binary whip upon them, lashing at their already tattered and tormented e-souls. It is quite the tale of misery, woe, oppression, and whoa. I hear that recently, a young unnamed hero has risen among the rank and file of now proclaimed “Ether Elves” and is trying to rally support to overthrow the czarist Hell Dorado.

Unfortunately for our unnamed hero, Hell Dorado’s spies are everywhere and word of this little rebellion has seeped back to the sinister ears of The Dreaded One (Hell Dorado). Now, Hell Dorado has unleashed his enforcers, the Daemons, to find and eliminate the rebellion and it’s upstart leader. Will the rebellion fail? Will Hell Dorado rule with an iron fist forever? Only you can find out…

7 Layers of Network is now available on PC, Xbox 360, and PS3. Single and Co-op Multiplayer (2-4 players) campaign mode. ESRB rating: Ridiculous. All rights reserved for the innocent.

JN

I have discovered the problem, and present it to you for your edification:

Three overweight ladies and their fat little kids are standing in line at McDonald’s. One mother turns to her friends and says, “See, that’s the problem with America these days. They don’t have playgrounds at McDonald’s anymore, all they have are these video games.”

America, your course is clear. Install playgrounds at your McDonald’s, instead of video games, and your problem will be solved. You will once again be the perfect nation that all good American citizens know you must rightfully be. Video games are the bane of American perfection, and are not to be tolerated at the healthiest, most American fast-food establishment known to man.

Of course, this problem cannot be solved in America alone. We must take all video games out of foreign McDonald’s locations as well, and replace them with good old-fashioned American playgrounds, lest our problems persist. And if those foreign countries resist, then they must be communists, or terrorists, or the most evil gamists, and by American God® we must force them to change for the good of the American People®, because what’s good for America is best for the World, as everyone but retarded foreign communist evil gamists knows.

That is all.

By a strange turn of events, I have a new workout partner. Meet Kara Jackson, Miss Idaho 2009.

This is what happens when you are unemployed and your trainer decides to have you come in at a time that is more convenient for him.

Coincidentally, I have a job interview on Friday for a job I applied at over six months ago, and I’m also having to battle the Navy over losing the single biggest reason I had to join because my recruiter forgot that the application had a deadline. My mom was in the hospital for pain that turned out to be completely mysterious and unexplainable, and I got to see a guy with a lightsaber compete against a transvestite in the costume competition of the Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince midnight movie premiere.

Sometimes, it seems, random chance decides to make your week a little more interesting.