The Problem With America
I have discovered the problem, and present it to you for your edification:
Three overweight ladies and their fat little kids are standing in line at McDonald’s. One mother turns to her friends and says, “See, that’s the problem with America these days. They don’t have playgrounds at McDonald’s anymore, all they have are these video games.”
America, your course is clear. Install playgrounds at your McDonald’s, instead of video games, and your problem will be solved. You will once again be the perfect nation that all good American citizens know you must rightfully be. Video games are the bane of American perfection, and are not to be tolerated at the healthiest, most American fast-food establishment known to man.
Of course, this problem cannot be solved in America alone. We must take all video games out of foreign McDonald’s locations as well, and replace them with good old-fashioned American playgrounds, lest our problems persist. And if those foreign countries resist, then they must be communists, or terrorists, or the most evil gamists, and by American God® we must force them to change for the good of the American People®, because what’s good for America is best for the World, as everyone but retarded foreign communist evil gamists knows.
That is all.